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I'll admit--I got lucky.
Publishing a book is no easy feat. Authors go through years of rejections. Hundreds of queries, dismissed. Until the right person says "yes," and then it's another several years of editing and pitching and more editing and finally. Publication.
I seemed to have skipped several steps, and it only makes the imposter syndrome worse. I queried one person with this book, and now it's on shelves (front-facing!) in all major book retailers. So I don't really have a querying-to-the-bone success story.
And I want to be transparent about that. I got extremely lucky by knowing someone who had just started a publishing company, and extremely lucky by having someone who encouraged me to submit, and extremely lucky once again when that publishing company merged with another company who had an in at S&S for distribution. I won't lie--I don't think my book would currently be sold out if we weren't distributed by one of the Big Five.
And all that makes me think I didn't try as hard as some other authors. That I didn't deserve this. That I still don't, even though my book is sold out and going into its second printing! Gods, imposter syndrome sucks!
I was always daunted by the idea of querying, and I think that stems from the fact that so many of my books have been in a perpetual state of being rewritten. The first book I ever wrote in 2016 is still in the process of being rewritten, because it just doesn't work yet, and I can't figure out why. It exists in so many iterations, so many variations on the same story, but it's not right. Until I wrote HEIRS, I thought every story I would ever write would face the same fate. Even HEIRS had some lofty changes I wanted to try before I settled on the current version you can find on bookshelves everywhere.
At some point, you have to put the pen down, or you will never find the courage to query. Believe me, I know. Because what if it's not the best it can be? How do I know when it's the best it can be? Will it ever be the best it can be? I don't know. And that's why I put off querying for so long, because a new idea would consume me, and the story would change again, and I could never send one version to an agent for consideration because what if the next one is better?
And don't get me started on self-publishing. I admire anyone who can self-publish, because that scares me more than any amount of rejections. Time, money, energy--I don't have enough of those to self-publish. It was never on my radar. I always wanted to be traditionally published, and I'm so grateful for the happenstances that led to me meeting Sam and Jessi and Zara. (I won't describe the play-by-play, but Sam and Jessi are some of the best writing friends anyone could ask for, and Zara is such a dedicated and uplifting publisher.)
HEIRS is not the first book I wrote, but it is the first that didn't suffer the same fate as The Fallen Star (you know, the one that's been in a never-ending state of being rewritten...yeah, that one). Nova's story will always be my favourite, because it's the first one I ever finished, even if I don't know what that story is yet. But Kalei's story holds a very special place in my heart, because it's the first one I ever got to see on shelves in Indigo. Because of several happy happenstances that led me to meeting the right people at the right time.
My story probably isn't unique. But I think it's rare. And even though deep down I know I've earned it, it still doesn't feel as though I've fought hard enough for my place at the table. But I'm there, and I'm front-facing. It's an incredible feeling. And I hope I can be deserving of it.
As always, happy writing.