Late to Pride - But Still Here & Still Queer

June was a tumultuous month, to say the least. I didn't update my blog at all because I didn't want to detract from the important conversations that were happening all month long. Conversations like Black Lives Matter and the importance of pride month as a whole (more specifically, the hurtful and transphobic remarks from JKR). I wanted to take the month to reflect on my own white privilege and lift up other voices at the same time. But I also want to talk a little bit about queer identities and my relationship to queerness and my writing.

Don't forget: Pride started with a riot. Pride wouldn't exist without Black members of the trans community.

I'm not out to my family (on two accounts: ex-Christian and queer). I don't know if I ever will be. And sometimes I feel like I don't belong in the queer community, that I'm not queer enough. It's one of those "But how do you know you're bi if you've never been with a girl" things. And "How do you know you're ace if you've never had sex?" Aphobia likes to rear its ugly head at the worst times, like the end of pride month. And while I've never experienced it directly, it still stings. It invalidates what I know about myself.

I call myself queer because it's easier to say than biromantic asexual.

And while I'm not out to my family, I'm out in almost every other aspect of my life. My (secret) online presence. My work life. My roommates know. I won't stop shouting it from the rooftops where I know my parents won't hear. I've managed to keep my author presence as far from my real name as possible to increase that distance.

And, gods, I was so looking forward to the Pride Parade this year.

Since I still feel so stifled in my life, I've thrown as much diversity into my writing to make up for what I lack in my real life: a queer social circle (or, you know, friends at all). I've stated it before on my Twitter: all my protagonists are bi, even if there is nothing in the text to indicate they have been with anyone other than the love interest. It's the little things I add to them simply because I know I'm bi even if I've never been with anyone before. Most of the time, they have a same-sex love interest (I write girl protagonists who fall in love with girls). Because, secretly, that's what I want. But that doesn't erase their bi-ness.

And it doesn't stop there. Diversity doesn't start and end with the protagonist and their love interest. Throughout the books I've started, I can think of one cishet relationship. That's two characters out of dozens I've written, whether primary, secondary, or even tertiary. Maybe it's because I've longed for a queer social circle (or, you know, friends at all). Maybe it's because queerness is so vast. Maybe it's because it's easy to say everyone is queer until proven straight. Why should straight be the default anymore? In my books, it's not. I've tried to include as many queer identities as I can, respectfully - lesbian, gay, bi, trans, pan, ace, enby, genderfluid, etc. And does it have any bearing on the plot? Not at all. It's an identity, not a plot point.

(I didn't even realize one of my characters was trans until he said it in conversation with another character.)

Don't let anyone you can't include an identity because it has no bearing on the plot. Don't let anyone tell you your identity doesn't exist. Don't let anyone tell you your existence is invalid. You are worthy and loved and deserve to have a place on the shelves. You deserve to see yourself among your favourite characters, having adventures, falling in love, being authentically queer.

I will continue to write queer identities in my stories even if I don't feel as though I belong. Even if I don't feel queer enough. Even if someone says my identity is wrong. My voice isn't very strong, but my worse are. Come find yourself in stories where you are accepted, valued, loved.

(A note of import: You're allowed to write identities outside of your own. However, you cannot write stories about identities outside of your own. By that I mean, you can't write a story about the hardships or struggles that come from living an identity that you have not experienced. Ex.: You can't write a trans coming-of-age story if you are not trans. You cannot write a story about Black Lives Matter if you are not Black. But you can include trans characters or POC characters, as long as those are not the stories you are telling.)

Go. Diversify your worlds. Have fun. And, as always, happy writing.